John 3:30 says, “He must become
greater; I must become less.” This verse means the most to me because it gives
me a sense of purpose in my life.
We all go through our darkest hours in life and lately, I’ve been going through mine, too. Unlike other people, I always overthink. Yes, ALWAYS – and that’s one thing that really kills me. I make little things big by taking them way too seriously. At an instant, problems are created by my thoughts even when they aren’t really there. As a result, I become super depressed to the point that I actually cry myself to sleep.
We all go through our darkest hours in life and lately, I’ve been going through mine, too. Unlike other people, I always overthink. Yes, ALWAYS – and that’s one thing that really kills me. I make little things big by taking them way too seriously. At an instant, problems are created by my thoughts even when they aren’t really there. As a result, I become super depressed to the point that I actually cry myself to sleep.
When summer 2013 started, bad news constantly came my way. First off was the results of the Student Council elections. I was running for High School Vice-president. Actually, before the votations started, I was really really really nervous ‘cause for some reason, I felt like there’s less chance of winning for me. At the same time, I also tried out for the Badminton varsity. I even told myself, “Kung pasok ako sa Student Council or varsity, edi good! Just go with it.” Truth is, I always thought I could win either of the two, but as days passed, I learned that I wasn’t accepted for the varsity team and that I didn’t win in the Student Council elections. Dun dun dun! I felt sooooooooooooo sad. (Yes, exag talaga!) I didn’t really understand why I had to lose in both fields. I always prayed to God that as said above, (kahit isa lang makuha ko, okay na ‘yun! Basta kung ano man will ni God para sakin, I’ll go for it!) It took days, weeks, months (??) for me to really fully accept these facts.
Then June came and class sections were out. Shockingly, I’m already part of the intensive class. And the moment I knew that I got in, I was like “Oh no! Why?!?!?” (Yah, weird right? I was super negative!) Maybe because I got used to being in a regular class and almost all my friends are in regular classes. Also, one of my biggest fears now is that I might not make it to the honors’ list anymore, but I don’t know. I asked my family and friends about it, and they made me realize that I should not worry for something that isn’t there yet. I mean, how bad could it be right? It’s never too late to have a first time! Yah, no doubt that it’s really risky since I’m a graduating student, but I thought maybe it’s really part of God’s plan. I didn’t get into the varsity team and the Student Council so maybe He wants me to focus on my studies this time. I prayed and prayed and prayed to Him and I said, “Yes, Lord. I’m choosing to trust You.”
Anyway, I am officially a senior already and there are soooooo many thoughts in my head (AGAIN!!!) right now, so many “what if?” fears. One of the closest friends in my heart’s now already in college and I’m thinking, what if she’d have new friends? What if one day, she’d forget about me and have me replaced? What if she changes? I mean, you never know diba… (OVERTHINKING… AGAIN!) but then again, God spoke to me. He told me that I can’t let fear dictate my future, that I should win against fear, and so I continued to trust in Him and this dear friend of mine. (Hello there! :> If you’re reading this. Ummm HEHEHE :D)
I don’t know what you’re going through today and yes, you will face moments of doubt and fear. It’s the truth, we all do and we all will. It’s a natural feeling for us because if you don’t feel it, my oh my, you’re not human anymore! When doubt and fear sticks to you, don’t let it bother you. Think of all the things you have and trust God for He never gets tired and He has endless blessings for you each and every day. You just have to open your eyes and appreciate them.
Now, I finally have a full assurance in my heart that everything happens for a reason and trust that God has a plan for each of us. We may not see what our future is, but at least we know who holds our future. So don’t ever give up, okay? Because just when you feel like your whole world is falling apart, that’s when God’s working on something good in Your life. When things don’t go your way, it’s alright if you don’t understand because we don’t really have to understand, we just have to trust God completely and trusting Him means not reacting. Above all, the most important thing I’d like to share is to make sure that you watch over your heart that you allow NOTHING to become more important to you than pleasing God. You see, when God is all you have, then you have all you need.
“God says to us in Isaiah 43: He has called us by name, when we go through the deep waters and great trouble, He will be with us, and when we go through the rivers of difficult, we will not drown. When we walk through the fire of oppression, we will not be burned up and the flames will not consume us. For He is our Lord, our God, The Holy one of Israel, our Savior.”
*Whew! If you managed to read up to
this part, I ALREADY LOVE YOU. SERIOUSLY!!!!*
“Rather as servants
of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles,
hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work,
sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness;
in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of
God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through
glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as unknown;
dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always
rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing
everything.” -2 Corinthians 4:-10
